PART 4
For several seconds, neither Lillian nor I spoke.
I could hear my own breathing.
I could hear the refrigerator humming in the kitchen.
I could hear the clock on the wall ticking with an irritating calmness that seemed almost cruel.
Finally, I asked, “Where is Daniel?”
Lillian didn’t answer immediately.
“He’s in town.”
My fingers tightened around the phone.
“Here?”
“Yes.”
“How long?”
“Almost a week.”
I stood slowly.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because Walter asked me not to.”
I almost laughed.
Not because anything was funny.
Because somehow, even after death, Walter was still deciding what I was allowed to know.
“Walter is dead,” I said quietly. “He doesn’t get to ask me for anything anymore.”
“I know.”
“Then tell me everything.”
Lillian sighed.
“I will.”
“No more secrets.”
“I understand.”
“Then start with Daniel.”
“He came to see Walter before he died.”
My stomach dropped.
“What?”
“Twice.”
“When?”
“The first time was about three months ago. The second was six weeks later.”
I gripped the edge of Walter’s desk.
“Did Walter see him?”
“Yes.”
“Did I?”
“No.”
“Where?”
“The blue house.”
I closed my eyes.
Of course.
The blue house.
The place that had somehow existed alongside my entire marriage without ever becoming part of it.
“Why would Walter meet his son there?”
“Because Daniel didn’t want to come to your house.”
“Why?”
“Because he was angry.”
“At Walter?”
“Yes.”
“Did Walter tell him he was his father?”
“He already knew.”
“How?”
“His mother told him.”
I looked down at the old photograph.
“How old is Daniel?”
“Forty-one.”
I did the math.
The number struck me like a physical blow.
Forty-one.
Walter had been carrying this secret for longer than we had been married.
I asked, “Does he look like Walter?”
Lillian was silent for a moment.
“Yes.”
That answer hurt more than it should have.
I had spent 42 years learning Walter’s face.
The line of his jaw.
The way his eyebrows moved when he was irritated.
The small crease beside his left eye.
The slight tilt of his head when he was pretending not to listen.
And somewhere in the same town was a man who had inherited those things from him.
A son who had grown up without the father I thought belonged entirely to me.
I sat down.
“Why did Walter leave him?”
“He didn’t.”
I looked up.
“What?”
“Walter didn’t leave Daniel because he didn’t want him.”
“Then why?”
“Because of me.”
My throat tightened.
“What does that mean?”
Lillian took a shaky breath.
“Judith, you deserve to hear this from me.”
“Then tell me.”
“Walter and I were never married.”
“I know.”
“But we were together.”
My stomach twisted.
“When?”
“Before you met him.”
“I know that too.”
“No,” she said softly. “You don’t.”
There was something in her voice.
Something heavy.
I waited.
“Walter and I were engaged.”
My eyes closed.
That was the first piece of information that truly shocked me.
“Engaged?”
“Yes.”
“How long?”
“Almost two years.”
I looked at the photograph again.
Two young people.
A baby.
A blue house.
A life that had existed before mine.
“We were supposed to marry,” Lillian continued. “The house was going to be ours. Walter bought it for us.”
“What happened?”
“His father died.”
I frowned.
“Walter’s father?”
“Yes.”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“Everything.”
Lillian’s voice began to tremble.
“Walter’s father left him a business. A failing one. There were debts. Loans. Employees who hadn’t been paid. Creditors threatening to take the property.”
“So Walter stayed?”
“He told me he needed six months.”
“And then?”
“Six months became a year.”
I listened.
“He started spending more time away. He sold things. He worked constantly. He said he was trying to save the business.”
“Did he?”
“Yes.”
“Then why didn’t you marry?”
“Because I discovered something.”
“What?”
“Walter’s father had left another debt.”
I waited.
“A debt that wasn’t financial.”
My heart began pounding.
“What kind of debt?”
Lillian said quietly, “A woman.”
I frowned.
“What?”
“There was another woman involved in the business.”
“An affair?”
“No.”
She paused.
“A woman who claimed Walter’s father had promised her money.”
I sat perfectly still.
“She threatened to expose him.”
“What did Walter do?”
“He paid her.”
“Why?”
“Because she had documents that could have destroyed the company.”
I shook my head.
“I don’t understand.”
“You don’t need to yet.”
“Then explain it.”
Lillian breathed slowly.
“Walter spent almost a year cleaning up his father’s mess. When he finally came back to me, I was pregnant.”
I looked at the photograph.
Daniel.
“So Walter knew?”
“Of course.”
“Then why didn’t you marry?”
“Because he told me he couldn’t.”
“Why?”
“He said if he married me, the creditors would take the house.”
I stared at the floor.
“That doesn’t make sense.”
“It didn’t to me either.”
“So what did you do?”
“I asked him to choose.”
“And he chose the business?”
“No.”
Her voice cracked.
“He chose you.”
I couldn’t breathe.
“What?”
“He told me he had met you.”
The room went silent.
“Walter had met me while he was still engaged to you?”
“No.”
“Then when?”
“After we separated.”
I shook my head.
“I don’t understand.”
“You met Walter after he and I had already ended things.”
I looked at the photograph.
Then at the birth certificate.
“Then why did he choose me?”
“He thought you deserved a life without his father’s problems.”
I almost laughed.
“That makes no sense.”
“It didn’t to me either.”
“Did he love you?”
Lillian didn’t answer.
That was answer enough.
“Yes,” she finally said.
I felt something inside me crack.
